so heres the thing.....

apologies for my long absence from this space.

2 thoughts/topics

1. i just finished reading blue like jazz by don miller. right, i got to the party about 3-4 years too late but better late than later, i always say. its a solid read and to be honest, other people have probably done a far better job i could do at dissecting, analyzing, extracting the important bits. i particularly was struck by the chapter on money, the chapter on love and the chapter on jesus. they each kind of hung out together, met for a dinner party in my head with don at the front of the table, me sitting next to him, and love, jesus, and money sitting around the table as well. there is a certain sense that you get whilst you are experiencing something that is divine, that the Holy Spirit is speaking, showing up, starting to bond together the ideas of whats being communicated with the reality of your life. and that place, regardless of whether or not your conscious of it, is a brilliant place to be. a place of freedom, hope and forgiveness. don says at the end of the book that he enjoys jazz because it originated with the first generation to come out of slavery. it was a response to the freedom and liberation that came with being rid of oppression. and i really like that analogy. i'd like to have a song of freedom on my tongue because of the liberating, transforming, redemptive work of jesus. and maybe even do a little dance on that path.

2. been thinking quite a bit about the what i can do to enact transformative reality in my own life. it really all started when started reading rollins. whilst i realize that it starts and ends with jesus, there are definitely things i can do to put myself in a position to see changes and to grow in solidarity with others. and, to be honest, one of the greatest ways is how i spend my money. over the past 6 months since returning from england, i've realized there is an addiction, both on my part and the part of others my age, to a lifestyle that is literally unsustainable. we are addicted to a lifestyle that is fiscally irresponsible, intent on borrowing now and putting off payment to later, keeping up appearances, using possessions and experiences to fulfill the need for meaning in our lives. the byproduct of this is a world where the gap in wealth distribution is shockingly polarized. this isnt anything new. and to be honest, i've dealt with the guilt, shame, uneasiness of the situation and found myself as guilty as the next person. i mix love and money to create a weird, psuedo-aware, global perspective that keeps me in a place of moral superiority without giving up any of the comfort i am addicted to. because i understand and am aware of whats going on in afghanistan, rwanda, zimbabwe, i can claim to be globally sensitive to the needs of others. i can go off on how its ludicrous that the west, and in particular america, has decided that we are the most important people in the world, that we deserve all of the luxury and comfort that we can afford/receive. in principle, i am opposed to the inequality and injustice of the situation. and yet, i still engage in those comforts. i still am addicted to the little things, the perks that come with being american. and so, what to do? i'm not sure. and maybe thats ok. there has to be some stepping stone on this path, some bridge to a place that is pure and that honors other people before ourselves economically. in the meantime, i'll wander around the desert trying to find that bridge.