the jingle:jangle morning: February 2008

in all honesty, i hadn't really felt like i was supposed to be in england until tonight. the first month has been a constant re-evaluation of what i am here for, who i am, and why. thats a weird way to start. lets back up.....

the last months of my time in the united states were weird to say the least. i moved back home. i broke up with my girlfriend. i got fired from a job i loved. i worked at starbucks (which is enough to make any period of time awkward, ugly, and humbling). the expectation of england mainly consisted of a very connecting time spent with kids that desperately needed any sort of love. i had heard stories of what young people were like, how they caused trouble, how they were disrespectful, how they used drink, drugs and sex in a carefree way. maybe i didnt spend enough time in prayer coming in or really evaluating the commitment i was making. the bottom line is i know why i am here. i feel it in my soul. its to tell those youth that they matter, that they are valued, that they are loved by God.

they are important to him. and it was evident tonight.

currently, we, and, by we, i mean the hope team, are pairing up with the nomad crew. they are a group who travel the uk with a soccer cage, getting to know kids through sport. they set up at schools and playgrounds and the locals flock to it. as the english would say, our country is football crazy.

as part of their programme, they do a friday night event where the kids are invited to a competition of sorts. its really similar to any sort of camp game show/skit night/variety deal you have seen. during lunchtime, sarah, the leader of nomad, asked me if i would like to give the talk. to be completely honest, i have been reluctant to dive headfirst into my work here. maybe its the pain of the end of the last job that was quite similar or its that i am acclimating myself, i'm not sure. i said yes anyway and went to sit in a cafe to work on the talk a wee bit.

the problem was i couldn't focus. i started to get some things down on paper, mainly about introducing the idea of equality. that there is no behavior that makes God love us more or less and transitioning that into how we treat other people. i tried hard to think of examples. i racked my brain for anecdotes in my life. i even laid out an outline on the sheet of paper.

i ended up playing tetris on my iPod and listening to david crowder for 3 hours. it was the best preparation i could have had.

it was the best preparation because i listened to God. i really listened to Him. Instead of trying to put together something that would make sense to kids, i figured they get talked at enough so i should talk with them. so when it came to my turn, i sat down in a rocking chair and had everyone sit down around me. it was like story time with the american.

(side note: having an american accent is an automatic in with british kids. the fact that someone very different is there speaking to them goes a long way. i played off of this by doing a bit of a funny british/american accent game, where i would ask for words and would say them in both a british and american accents. they were in stitches.)

as i winded down, i knew the thing that i needed to say was that God loved them. That they were important to God. That they had value to God. as I went into this section, there were 2 older boys that were joking and giggling. it wasn't a large distraction but definitely a nuisance to the few people around them. i looked over to them and said, 'out of all the things that you have heard about yourself in the world, the most important thing is that you are loved by God.' they kept talking. i looked them in the eye and said, 'thats important, isn't it?' one boy smirked and said, 'yeah it is...' quite flippantly. And in that moment, the Holy Spirit shut my mouth. I kept looking at the boy and his eyes. I don't know his name. I couldn't say a word. The mood got extremely intense. It wasn't even about him disrupting me or being rude....it was that the Holy Spirit had cut to the root of his life and in that space of time, his whole life was wide open, at least to me. by interrupting me, he was doing the same thing that he did with his pain: hide it from others, joke about it, anything he could do to not confront it. i put the microphone back to my lips, looked straight at him and said, 'your important to God and He cares about you.'

i don't even remember what i said the rest of the talk. it was wrapped up in about 2 minutes. i think i prayed a bit about realizing that God loved us and letting that love into our lives. to be honest, it didn't matter. i was there to tell that boy he mattered. that he was important. that he was utterly loved.

i hope there are others like him. i know there are. i just need to listen more.
---
j.wiebe