bleed my failure into something right

last night, bryan (bryanfeil.blogspot.com) and i headed out to san luis obispo to catch a show with rocky votolato. it was a very enjoyable evening. we headed out from fresno around 4pm and were in slo by 6. on the way, we had a bit of a scare. just before kettleman city, we had the windows rolled down and were cruising. all of a sudden, a distinct smell drifted inside of our car. bryan commented 'something smells good'. about 10 seconds later, smoke began to fill the car. we looked around for about a minute and couldn't find anything. then, bryan looked in the back seat and shouted 'oh man, pull over!' it seems that somehow a sweatshirt in the back had caught on fire and the flames were rather prominent. since bryan is adept at handling any situation, he quickly put out the flames and saved our lives from sure and sudden death. however, the fire left an impressionable consequence on the sweatshirt. too bad.

we ended up eating at the splash cafe on monterey street. there is nothing like splash clam chowder and a bread bowl. we headed to the steynberg gallery, found out the show was going to start around 8pm and headed out to walk san luis. the downtown scene proved satisfactory, especially the fremont theater and its' wonderful marquis lit up at night.

we headed back to the gallery, the show started and the first 2 bands were solid. then rocky came on. it was one of the best shows i have been too in a long time. the sound was crisp with the pedal steel adding in a perfect bluegrass feel to the tunes. rocky's music has this ability to transcend the tension of living in situations that are harmful to the human heart and rise above to something greater. that ability is also evident in his singing when, at times, his concentration and focus on the construction of meaning in the lyrics comes out in a raspy, loud, tension-filled yelp. it's a beautiful thing.

caught me looking through
your eyes / no I'm not doing alright / I'm just as stupid and
desperate as I've always been / all the uselessness I write
just come at me with a knife / come cut this sickness from my
mind / help me forget about a shattered lie / bleed my failure
into something right
-the nights disguise (r)votolato

straddling the line of revolution...

currently, i am reading che: a revolutionary life by jon lee anderson. as per my interest in history, i find figures that have been completely devoted to their cause fascinating. ernesto 'che' guevara is no exception. his unwavering commitment to the politics of Marxism and socialism took root in his early to mid 20s. on his second trip through south america, he traveled to guatemala during the country's leftist revolution and subsequent diplomatic stand-off with the united states. all sorts of latin american political exiles had gathered in guatemala to lend their support to jacobo arbenz guzman, the guatemalan president at the time who had pledged to wean the nation off of its' colonial-era dependency upon the united states economically. it is in this context that che met a broad range. by that time, guevara had seen enough of the poverty and economic injustice of the exploitative economic system during his travels in south america. for guevara, the lone proponent behind the oppressive system was the united states, whose monopoly of latin american natural resources and industry left the majority of caribbean and a handful of south american countries under american economic control. the united states, in guevara's view, played puppet master with latin american governments. with this in mind, che's interaction with other politically-minded people was intriguing.

during political discussions, che would question and debate with others, mainly regarding the role of the united states in latin america. for guevara, this was the litmus test in deciding who agreed with him and who he would decidedly oppose. if a person had similar views but did not go far enough to act on that perspective, in his mind, they were the same as someone who disagreed with him. from that point, guevara would alienate that person. this become a common occurence in his life: idealistically being for 'the people' yet not hesitating to oppose, or even kill, certain individuals that he saw as threatening to his goal of complete social revolution.

while my perspective as a pacifist and christian are certainly at odds with guevara, i resonate with the dichotomy he found himself in. at times, i become very angry and bitter towards people who i deem to be 'closed-minded', 'ignorant', or worse, 'apathetic'. in my heart, i do the same things as he did. i write people off because i don't think they get it. i don't listen to their perspective because i 'know' that mine is the right one, or at least the most godly. (ha.) sometimes, during arguments, i sit back in my chair, keeping quiet in my moral superiority, because i read the newspaper and know that there is a horrific genocide occuring in darfur, or that in some parts of the world, the economic injustice is equal to that of slavery or the hacienda system. at my core, i can be a smug, pretentious, cynical punk. there is a tension within me because of this, because i know it to be wrong, because i know that christ's love was sacrificial, humble and selfless, three qualities that should mark our relationships. i guess the line of theory and practice straddles that most of the time in my life. i don't want to hate. i want a way out, to love and be free.

Spacial Differences

A significant amount of time has passed since my trek with Tim. As my upcoming semi-permanent journey to England is at hand quickly, I figured that I would turn our blog into a journal of my own. Thoughts, queries, and amusing anecdotes shall fill this space. I love you all.