the jingle:jangle morning

thoughts while sitting in a tree in San Francisco

2010-10-04T15:04:00.000-07:00

I sensed a great sadness in the people.

It wasn't even about the smell of marijuana wafting through the air or the endless amounts of cheap/gourmet bottles of alcohol being consumed by seemingly everyone, the level of self-medication really being a surface-level symptom of what was going on. It was the look in their eyes; the de-sensitized, zombie-like way in which they slid past each other, trying to connect with someone, anyone really, who would value them. Here, in this city that is famous for its' progressive, liberal, free-thinking ways, a place where anything/anyone is "accepted", I saw a devastating level of aloneness. The disconnect could not have been greater.

It was like I was watching a bunch of post-2000 Kerouacs and Cassadys, roaming one of the most beautiful city parks in America that served as their own Big Sur or Mexico, searching, looking, seeking but never finding. In many ways, the crowd reflected a resigned acceptance of profound disappointment in a dying American dream: If this was the end result of an American civilization that promised them freedom, prosperity and a vibrant life, they had yet to find any thing of substance or genuineness or authenticity to hold on to within that dream.

The man in the mustard yellow overcoat hopped on the tree root over and over again, as if he was a child playing, needing to test its' ability to support him. His dance partner, a beautiful girl with a vintage camera slung around her neck, drunkenly moved to the music, floating around groups of people clustered together. The connection being temporal, they spun each other around and swayed and bobbed their head. But they never laughed. Or smiled. Or indicated that there was any level of enjoyment or pleasure derived from the moment. They were there because everyone else was, because they wanted to connect to something real, maybe to each other. But, recognizing that they wouldn't or couldn't find it, their lips & eyes betrayed them in disclosing what was really going on.

I sensed a great sadness in them.

In contrast, two brothers from North Carolina stood on stage, singing songs about love, pretty girls, their family and things that had endured in their lives. What was so captivating about the activity surrounding the stage was the very apparent depth and passion emanating from the musicians: not only did they believe in what they were singing, it fulfilled them, gave them purpose, brought their souls alive. When they launched into 'Tin Man', the words hovered over the crowd, mixing with the tobacco and ganja smoke in the overcast sky, articulating nearly too accurately what was happening in the hearts of the 10,000 gathered:

I used to fill the sky around with happiness and joy
I had news to give the wind to keep myself and heart employed
I felt people move around me
I felt loneliness and shame
Back then every day was different, now each moment is the same

I miss it
I miss it
Oh, I miss that feeling of feeling

I've rarely felt such a dissonant moment.

Post Script: My good friend Taylor Armerding shared with me a really solid Kurt Vonnegut quote this morning supplementing my thoughts: "What should young people do with their lives? Many things, obviously. But the most daring thing is to create stable communities in which the terrible disease of loneliness can be cured." Genius.

funny story

2010-05-03T23:12:00.000-07:00

i like when funny stories are around in my life. they're comfortable and make things light-hearted. seeing that i prefer to take myself (un)seriously, it's important to laugh. i'd like to share one of them that has entered the fray (and by the fray, i don't mean adult-contempo pop out of the denver metropolitan area).

1. last year around this time, i started to get into the avett brothers. i resonate deeply with their straight-forward, genuine yet un-corny lyrics. i was living in pasadena with tim and nikki haydock and we were all digging their jams. one such song, 'murder in the city', and, more specifically, one line in said tune has had pretty significant meaning to me. so much so, that my sister and i will be getting the lyric tattooed on to our mortal bodies within the next few months. the lyric goes as follows:

always remember

there was nothing worth sharing

like the love

that let us share our name

pretty poignant, right? especially if you have deep, honest, genuine relationships with the folks whose circle you were born into.

:digression.

the aforementioned friend tim haydock is facebook friends with his namesake, one timothy haydock, of stoke-upon-trent, staffordshire, united kingdom. while having never met in person, there has been consistent discussion/back-and-forth via the interwebs with the english mr. haydock and the entire haydock family of fresno, california.

end:digression.

last spring, california tim haydock put the previously mentioned lyric as his status update, and, understandably so. within minutes, who was the first person to 'like' this status? english timothy haydock. my mind was blown. they share their name. it was so literal. and so genius. love knows no bounds apparently when you share your name, whether you've met the person or not.

so, here's to funny stories and the things that people do and say that make life great.

a foray into the kerouacian mind

2010-01-28T20:56:00.000-08:00

liberal, diverse, too much alcohol at times

fixed gear bikes and the invasion of northern kids, looking for a sense of culture that strip malls can't and won't offer

methheads spewing stream-of-consciousness rants at mythical bears following them down the street

a police station on broadway, stacked to the deep, looking like a lone fortress in this forest of decay/life

too much coffee, too many cigarettes, hipsters claiming psuedo-elitism until a relationship gets you in

blank stares from the people at the bus stop

the same stare from the people rolling through in the beamers

friends smoking blunts or bowls in parking lots, casual like it was tobacco

friends who also give meaning to the forgotten people of this strip: a half-Asian, one-sleeved vagabond and a guy whose beard is the envy of many

the Asian bar, the Hispanic bar, the pub, the club.....ish

somehow, it all works

somehow, it's enough and not enough

this is my place

we borrow, we share, there's music everywhere

2009-12-21T13:14:00.000-08:00

i've been inspired by my friend tim to reflect and offer my favorite albums of the decade. these aren't the best, the most poignant (although that does play a large part, what with my incessant need for idealistic reflection) or the critically acclaimed. these are albums that have meant more than the packaging and clever titles; they've become soundtracks to specific periods in my life, times when music was my best (and sometimes only) friend.

that being said, i'd like to present 7 albums from the 2000s, as opposed to the standard of 10, or in tim's case, 12. why 7? god's number. it's a nice round number, depending on your definition of round. what's wrong with a bit of kissing up to the divine?

david bazan 'fewer moving parts'

bazan moves me into the middle, a place between faith and doubt, of question and answer, of realizing my knowledge/experience of things isn't as clear as i'd like to think it is. his lyrical ability is compelling, witty and irreverent and on 'fewer moving aparts', he takes a crack at 5 tracks in acoustic/full band form, splitting the gap with a message of (un)knowingness. listening to "backwoods nation" for the first time was important in my political journey; the honesty and candor with which he speaks is something i took for my own personal narrative.

the cool kids 'the bake sale'

call it hipster-hop, call it a return to late '80s-early '90s hip-hop by a few dudes from chicago, call it whatever you want: 'the bake sale' was the sound of good times for me. the delivery slow, the verses cleverly arrogant, the fixation with pop culture, these tracks hit me...and hard.

delta spirit 'ode to sunshine'

absolutely brilliant debut lp. they have this ability to create finely composed tunes that are catchy yet musically experimental enough. lyrically, they deal with important issues without being too sentimental or preachy, something i appreciate with most bands failing at that. seeing them as soon as i got back from the UK was a brilliant welcome back party. it was even better because my best friends (and hillary duff! oMg!) were there to share in the experience. if you've never listened to "trashcan" full blast on the stereo and danced your heart out, you haven't lived.

bon iver 'for emma, forever ago'

justin vernon became my new favorite mountain man with this. completely epic and so minimalist. his falsetto makes me think i can sing and speaks to my soul. i can't imagine what seeing him live would be like. it reminds me of overcast, gray mornings, catching the bus to work in london and times spent reflecting on life in my room alone with a cup of french press.

the perishers 'let there be morning'

this is the most specific of the bunch. it takes me back to when relationships were in between, where the significant people in my life operated in a liminal space. while the tone and sound is positive on first listen, the album is lush with layers, sonically and lyrically. "weekends" and "pills" leave me speechless every time.

death cab for cutie 'plans'

possibly the most influential album i listened to in the last decade. i was given a previous effort 'the photo album' by a friend and thought it was pretty good. then i bought 'plans'. ben gibbard said so many things i didn't know how to and the band added excellent musicianship and creativity to create a perfect storm. the album has this almost cinematic quality to it, as if it's inviting you to come along and watch it unfold but also to participate in the story. it taught me to listen to music collectively; some of the best discussions i've had about music has been about 'plans'.

mewithoutYou "brother, sister"

equal parts spoken word delivery, equal parts experimental psychedelia with a penchant for minor chords, brother/sister was instrumental in highlighting the importance of analogy for me. it's ok to be wordy and mask a larger truth in a whimsical delivery and clever lyric. it reminds me of a time that my friends and i shared a brilliant summer and an unfortunate situation; we were brought together by the words, 'god is love and love is real'.

somewhere in the midwest

2009-11-04T15:01:00.000-08:00

on to the next one

2009-11-03T14:40:00.000-08:00

Vlog: Day 2

Date: November 3, 2009

Time: 1:19 MT

Location: almost to Tucumcari, NM

Music: Delta Spirit “Strange Vines”

Weather: Sunny, but not happy sunny - mischevious “I’m gonna mess with you today” sunny

Jordan told me I’d have to roll with the punches on this road trip. I just didn’t expect a gravel road to do the punching.

As we were driving, Jordan felt the impulse to stop and take a few roadside pictures of the massive empty expanse that is eastern New Mexico. We did. It was windy and the pictures are fresh. In my excitement for windy freshness, I skipped back to the car. And I tripped… and I fell… I am not a small child. In fact, I do not consider myself to be clumsy, yet I tripped over something (Jordan blames my shoelaces - I think it was a rock) I attempted to catch myself - first with my feet. Then when that failed, my second option became my left hand and my right elbow, seeing as I was carrying the camera [thanks dad, you’ve taught me to care more about protecting the camera I’m holding than my own body J] I had a moment of panic – this feeling is so foreign. I am 20 years old and scraping myself up is certainly not in my age description. Nevertheless, there I was: stomach on the ground, smelling asphalt. I groaned a little and then, “Jordaaaaan. I fell.” In retrospect, did he not wonder where I went when I suddenly wasn’t on the other side of the car? He came over and helped me up and I began to examine the damage. “Skin is not supposed to do that,” I said. The larger-than-gravel rocks decided to take up carving and I was there practice material. We drove until we found a gas station, I cleaned myself up, bought some Neosporin, Band-Aids and Advil and we’re back on the road. I’m still giggling about it.

Gallup, New Mexico was rather uneventful, but sufficient in the Eat and Sleep Division and they win first place for Most Indian Stores. Despite stares from the locals at The Coffee House, we rounded up some hot drinks and hit it again. Until Albuquerque, we vlogged and discussed what body part we would allow to be bitten off – you know, if you were in prison… among biters…. and they let you choose. We both settled on a butt cheek. Who needs ‘em? Albuquerque satisfied our Starbucks fix and gifted us with The Avett Brothers’ new album “I and Love and You.”

And now we press on.

might be the boring bit

2009-11-02T20:45:00.001-08:00

Date: November 2, 2009

Time: 7:06pm MT (Mountain Time, Mennonite Time, Mingin' Trannies)

Location: Navajo Blvd, Eastern Arizona (just take a left at Flagstaff and you'll hit it in about 90 minutes)

Weather: a clear sky and an even more clear moon

Music: Laura Marling, Britain's finest female vocalist, singing sweet ditties into the collective Wiebe ear

Eastern Arizona's flat. Flat like a pancake griddle or a spatula or any other cooking utensil used for breakfast (except a whisp, used to make batter for previously mentioned pancakes.) Man, IHOP sounds good......actually, it sounds gross. Maybe a bit of both? Disagree to agree.

Jordan checking in. Where to begin? I've thoroughly enjoyed the time spent making the highways and byways my bizznle, although I had to tap out after a solid 575 miles. There's only so much one can do. In addition, I wanted to give the Hare (as she will be henceforth referred to) some time behind the wheel. She's doing exceptionally well, giving ample space for semis and signalling well in advance. What can I say, the kid's got talent.

We point our 'rich kid Volvo', as christened by one Bryan Feil, towards Gallup, Newt Mecksicko, where we will stop, eat, rest and try not to be picked up on by truckers. The road gets lonely and sometimes, folks will take what they can get. We will barricade ourselves in the hotel room, taking advantage of the free HBO and free WiFi provided by the generous Travelodge, which was ascertained by our main man William Shatner at priceline.com. Cheers, Mr. Trekky!

Sidenote: Anika just asked, 'can someone to go to jail for verbal abuse?' I'm afraid she's working herself up to an oral tirade upon me, unleashing the combined wrath, fury and wit of a British comedian and Bill O'Reilly.

Reflections on Arizona: Mountainous, desert-y, boring at times, thrilling at others. The folks in Flagstaff were pleasant enough. I greatly appreciate the state's placing of highway signs directly underneath the center of the overpass. aesthetically, it's pleasing to the eye and, in a way, more efficient than CA's insistence on stand alone signs along the right shoulder of the road. Saves money, looks better, a proverbial rejection of the culture of governmental 'pork', precious tax dollars being used efficiently. GBA!

Things to look forward to:

1. A detailed ranking of best possible locations for a utopian community on our route a la The Village

2. A daily morning vlog

3. Requests/conclusions for topics of discussion

Cheers!

and so it begins...

2009-11-02T16:35:00.001-08:00

Date: November 2, 2009

Time: 9:02 am PST

Location: 99 South passing through Delano

Music: mewithoutYou “Bullet to Binary Part II”

Weather: Clear and Sunny - like Bono

After an hour of driving, I’ve written an introduction to the 3-5 page book response that was due 4 weeks ago. It’s a good thing I’m on top of things…

“Do you think we could listen to 6 straight “This American Life”s in a row? That’d be pretty crazy.” Jordan interrupts my writing with his game plan to pass time for the first half of today’s trip. Apparently I am the hare and he is the tortoise on this venture. Can you blame me? It’s my first legitimate road trip as a semi-adult with my older semi-adult best friend brother. I think I would rather have my newbie fervor for the open road though than his seasoned-road-trip-veteran lack of enthusiasm. It’s like our fat sausage dog Ginger and Trevor Jones’ two year old daughter, Berkeley. She is excited about life and falling on Ginger. Ginger is not. Unfortunately for Jordan, he has no beds to hide under… and I will fall on him.

So far this morning, we Starbucksed: iced coffee with 2 shots & Madeleine shortbreads / iced vanilla chai tea with soy & a banana. We bought Scanner 911 app on Jordan’s iPhone and thought about making some citizen’s arrests on our way. We read 1 John 1 and received our first phone call from Andy Ortiz – whom we had seen only an hour earlier at Starbucks (We love you Andy J) and now we make our first turn off onto the 58 East – new territory to both of us. Only good things are ahead.

Date: November 2, 2009

Time: 4:00 pm MT

Location: 40 East – somewhere between Kingman and Flagstaff (Arizoooona)

Music: Ben Harper “When She Believes”

Weather: Clear to Clear

I can’t pop my left ear. Son of a biscuit. Positives however: speed limit is 75. Winner Winner Chicken Dinner! Jordan is contemplating a career as a dance instructor – dream big brother!

From the 58 East we worked our way toward Barstow. And wasn’t THAT a bust?! Made a completely pointless trip to Vons in search for Jamba Juice [What were you thinking Google maps??] However, gas at Valero, a free envelope from a girl who thought Jordan was cute, and Carl’s Jr: big carl, natural cut fries, coke / chicken stars, crisscuts, dr. pepper, satisfied anything that Barstow itself failed to fulfill. Later, we entered into some theological discussion and would like to extend the invitation to provide us with more theological issues to discuss. Hit us with your best shot!

Not too long after, I decided to take control of the music selection. Needless to say, Jordan was less than thrilled with my choice of “Party in the U.S.A.” by Miley Cyrus. (However, he was “nodding his head, like yeah” – it must be love) He proceeded to exile me to the land of large headphones and I suppose it’s a good thing because now - in 8 hours, I have a whole page of my paper! Somewhere in there Jordan slowed down to about 50 miles on the 40 to make sure we both got pictures of the Arizona sign, but then it didn’t come and then it still didn’t come… yet we precariously held up our cameras pointed toward where we thought the sign should/would be for a good 10 minutes. It finally came – I got a picture, so did Jordan… except without the word Arizona on it. Such is life.

pre-roadie writing

2009-11-01T20:16:00.000-08:00

hello, dear friends.

anika, my sister, and i are set to embark on a nice little roadtrip tomorrow morn, culminating in a weekend in the windy city. it promises to bring us closer together in so many ways; literally (travelling in a confined space with a bike, piles of clothes, suitcases and ceramic statues of jesus) metaphysically (in that whole brother-sister sort of way) proverbially (like a zwiebach two parts coming together to fuse in the oven) and midwestern-ly (as per most of our travel is in the midwest, i expect anika to start pronouncing her o's looooooooonger and to forsake her chill, california vibe for some downhome 'aww-shucks' heartland demeanor.) without further ado, a route for your perusing...or routing....or routusing. love. x

View Movin' on to Memphis in a larger map

hanging out with rob eans

2009-10-13T14:00:00.000-07:00

these days, i have a spot of time on my hands. i've moved back from memphis and am working on finding gainful employment. this means lots of hangout time. naturally, one must find places that are conducive to spending hours and hours occupied by oneself so as not to become a drone and sit in front of the TV. my spot? coffee shops.

sidenote: neighborhood thrift will be opening their own corner cafe in the next few months. (complete promo: please head over to the corner of olive and wilson in the coming winter months for some solid french press coffee. there won't be a better cafe in fresno.)

now, as i have done a bit of traveling in the past 3 months, i am always looking for good coffee shops along the way. i've got a thing for the ones with character and/or a good aesthetic paired with superb coffee; the small, hole-in-the-wall, warm, inviting meeting houses where eccentric people work, old men sit around for hours and hours, talking about everything under the sun, and espresso is served fresh. here are a few favorite places where i've sipped on an americano or eight:

1. the revue fresno, ca

my version of a local watering hole. while i will say the coffee isn't on par with some of the other spots, the design is phenomenal with lots of darker themes, old wooden benches and chairs in black and red and a touch of vintage french art. it also has a section for books and local independent media if you need something to wrap your head around. beyond that, there's a big community vibe; a steady stream of regulars, down-to-earth staff and the feeling that you'll more than likely run into someone you know.

2. republic coffee memphis, tn

located just east of midtown, republic coffee was the best spot i could find in memphis. i'd rate the americano a 7 out of 10, it actually kind of has this weird taste at the beginning of the cup that somehow works itself out in the end. design-wise, republic has more of a modern feel to it with a two-sided bar flanking the espresso machines, booths lining one side and couches on the other side for studying. it's often filled late at night with rhodes college and university of memphis students studying or playing games, so usually there's a chill vibe. if your rolling through memphis, definitely stop by.

3. late for the train flagstaff, az

smaller in size but packs a major punch coffee-wise. i was able to hit up the espresso bar located downtown, which has its' own really cool aesthetic going. i picked up the "dirty dave", or something to that effect, and it was easily the best latte i'd had in months, smooth from start to finish with just the right amount of espresso and milk. late for the train doubles as a coffee roasting company with online ordering available; if you're interested in great coffee, i'd recommend throwing a couple of bucks their way and picking up a bag or two of the whole bean blends.

4. coffee slingers oklahoma city, ok

the most urban design of the bunch, which is kind of ironic considering it's nestled in the midwest. when i visited in the late afternoon, there were hardly any folks in the cafe, so it may be one of those downtown worker/early morning places, with all sorts of business and yuppie-types crowding the space in the AM. it shares its' space with what looked to be a pretty successful bike shop, so if you don't mind the smell of rubber while you sip, go right on ahead. the espresso seemed to have an extra bit of kick to it and the cinnamon roll was phenomenal. from what i saw, they had a wide selection of pastries and tea, so if yerba mate, red velvet cupcakes or loose leaf tea is your thing, you'd feel right at home with coffee slingers.

5. intelligentsia chicago/LA

the granddaddy of top quality espresso/coffee; also, probably the most pretentious. intelligentsia has had some pretty major success in the US barista championships in the past, so maybe they have good reason to be pretentious. the broadway store in chicago had quite the line when i visited and it's no wonder why: the americano i had was absolutely smashing. while there were similar design motifs with the silverlake store, it has a more comfortable feel than its' southern california counterpart. bottom line: if your within 45 miles of an intelligentsia location and are in need of coffee, the trek there is worth it.

other locations that i hope to visit soon...

alterra coffee milwaukee, wi

kaldi's coffee st. louis, mo

stumptown coffee portland, or

every starbucks in fresno........just kidding

fixing my fixie

2009-10-09T13:01:00.000-07:00

ok, i'll be honest: i'm kind of a wimp when it comes to alternative sports/physical activities.

traditional sports (read: basketball, baseball, tennis, hell, even golf) i'm fine at. i picked up footie (read: soccer) while i was in the uk. usually in the fall, i like to enjoy a game or two of american football with a few friends. i played and won a few games of ultimate frisbee duringintramurals in my college years. in that way, i'm just like a majority of young american males.

shift the conversation to skateboarding, wakeboarding, BMX bikes, motocross, paintball and i will gladly bow out. i had an ill-advised love affair with skateboards for several months during the 7th grade. the height of my accomplishments: ollie-ing once and maneuvering my deck on to a rail that was approximately 6 inches off the ground for a quasi-boardslide. my loving fatherwas gracious enough to cobble together my rail out of extra wood and some PVC. hardly the stuff of legit skating. rewinding earlier, i became enamored with BMX during 6th grade. i'd ogle the really expensive frames, devising plans to mow enough lawns to buy one. i ended up getting a steel DYNO that i mainly rode before school. my ideas of a trick? standing on the pegs. i've never gotten up on a wake-board. i played paintball once and my friends shot me while i wasn't playing. motocross? come on.

needless to say, i usually like to stick safely to the side when it comes to these sorts of things.

until now.

i'm making a foray back into the alternative activity universe by setting myself up with a fixie. at the encouragment of a few friends, i've converted my old schwinn collegiate into a fixed gear bike. i know its the hipster, 'in' thing to do but whatever. i like it. without any more pomp and circumstance, meet my new friend DUBYA. he and i will be great friends.

social business, moustached men and arbitrary rankings

2009-10-08T14:32:00.000-07:00

boom.

first of all, lets get this out of the way: you need to be listening to these boys.

i just finished creating a world without poverty: social business and the future of capitalism by muhammad yunus. excellent read, a visionary response to some of the economic and subsequently social/political problems on a global scale. the most compelling idea for me was the shift in the way we think about people. currently, most profit-maximizing businesses under the bottom-line eye of capitalism essentially view people as one-dimensional tools of production; their primary purpose is to be a link in the chain of making as much money as possible. as a result, we've got people obsessed with consumption and excess personally and being reduced to machines in their jobs, not to mention growing income inequality that reaches around the globe. not a good path or environment. enter mohammad yunus. seeing that the global economic system wasn't helping those in his native bangladesh, he decided to think of a better way, a more holistic approach in giving the poor access to the global economy. starting with microcredit in the 1970s, yunus has helped to create an environment in which the poor can lift themselves out of poverty and, most importantly, recognized that humans are multi-dimensional beings that deserve respect, value and access, creating economic infrastructure accommodating this. this distinction, that people are more valuable than their production capacity, resonated deeply within me. its an idea that needs to take root if we're to start addressing some of the gross injustices currently afflicting people around the globe.

moving on, started where i lived and what i lived for by thoreau. BOOM. love me some transcendentalist literature.

also, another item that sparked some solid discussion was the daily beast's study of america's smartest cities. where did my lovely hometown of fresno rank? dead last. in the study, there were only 5 cities that scored below 50; fresno was the only to come in with a single digit score. brilliant. after a couple of interesting conversations with friends who have bachelor's degrees and/or master's and are from/currently living in fresno, several things were pinpointed:

1. lack of a city hub/(sub)urban sprawl

downtowns been in arrested development for decades now. multiple efforts have been made to revitalize it from housing development to bringing in large businesses to putting a stadium downtown. all have seen mediocre results. to be honest, there hasn't been smart, sustainable thinking going into city planning. building csu fresno far, far away from downtown could also have something to do with it. universities should be at/near the city center and taking that away from downtown was to the detriment of the city as a whole. issues like public transport, housing, economic development would follow if we solved this problem first.

2. a leadership vacuum at the top

as my friend @justajust said, 'the people that have been running this town, their parents ran it and their kids will run it'. it might be time for some fresh ideas and to slow down the brain-drain fresno currently experiences, keeping young creative types here. (full disclosure: i say this fully realizing i'm part of the problem by moving to other places.) there has been some momentum, thanks to a few developers.

3. very little engagement from the people with the majority of resources

in many ways, fresno's a tale of two cities: the rich, comfortable, suburban north and everyone else south of shaw. while there are beacons of hope, the majority of folks in the north part of town aren't engaging with the problems simply because they don't have to. at the moment, fresno could be used as a prime example of what might be happening in the rest of the US: while the large majority of the population eeks out a living, those with the wealth and comfortable lifestyle turn a blind eye to the real problems at hand.

until we become aware of and take action to care about our neighbors literally, fresno will stay stuck in the cycle of poverty, stratification and no one caring. we can be the change the city needs.

the mad farmer liberation front

2009-08-05T20:47:00.001-07:00

Love the quick profit, the annual raise,
vacation with pay. Want more
of everything ready-made. Be afraid
to know your neighbors and to die.
And you will have a window in your head.
Not even your future will be a mystery
any more. Your mind will be punched in a card
and shut away in a little drawer.
When they want you to buy something
they will call you. When they want you
to die for profit they will let you know.

So, friends, every day do something
that won't compute. Love the Lord.
Love the world. Work for nothing.
Take all that you have and be poor.
Love someone who does not deserve it.
Denounce the government and embrace
the flag. Hope to live in that free
republic for which it stands.
Give your approval to all you cannot
understand. Praise ignorance, for what man
has not encountered he has not destroyed.

Ask the questions that have no answers.
Invest in the millenium. Plant sequoias.
Say that your main crop is the forest
that you did not plant,
that you will not live to harvest.
Say that the leaves are harvested
when they have rotted into the mold.
Call that profit. Prophesy such returns.

Put your faith in the two inches of humus
that will build under the trees
every thousand years.
Listen to carrion - put your ear
close, and hear the faint chattering
of the songs that are to come.
Expect the end of the world. Laugh.
Laughter is immeasurable. Be joyful
though you have considered all the facts.
So long as women do not go cheap
for power, please women more than men.
Ask yourself: Will this satisfy
a woman satisfied to bear a child?
Will this disturb the sleep
of a woman near to giving birth?

Go with your love to the fields.
Lie down in the shade. Rest your head
in her lap. Swear allegiance
to what is nighest your thoughts.
As soon as the generals and the politicos
can predict the motions of your mind,
lose it. Leave it as a sign
to mark the false trail, the way
you didn't go. Be like the fox
who makes more tracks than necessary,
some in the wrong direction.
Practice resurrection.

a guest blogeee? blogger? blogoid?

2009-08-05T20:20:00.001-07:00

i had the privilege of sitting down with tommy adlard, fresno pacific graduate, boy scout danny drummer, easterby reading program associate and all-around studmuffin at the revue this week. the following is a snippet of our conversation

tommy, good to see you. what are you wrangling up these days?
how awkward is this. i was wrangling up some lifegroup and reading program today. also, picking up on my friend jordan. (full disclosure: i am that friend jordan)

lifegroup and reading program? sounds like your a busy guy. tell me about those projects.
lifegroup is a bible study run through the well community church here in fresno. we meet once a week for several hours and lately we've been discussing different worldviews and how they relate theologically with society. today, we chatted about different takes on liberation from evil. easterby reading program is a project based in southeast fresno that helps improve reading skills of elementary school children in the area and giving them access to positive role models. its a project jointly funded through the well and the fresno institute for urban leadership (FIFUL). today, we had an all-time high of 18 kids over, played a few games, read some books, got in a water fight and learned about not being stubborn. all in all, a solid day.

tommy, you spent some time studying in egypt. can you tell me one or two stories that really stood out that signified the importance of your time there?
hospitality stood out in egypt. they definitely have a much broader and greater understanding of the word than i've ever seen before. one night, i was walking back to my apartment in my galabaya (a muslim robe) and an old man invited me to sit and have a cup of tea with him. i wanted to head home but he insisting so i sat down. he only spoke arabic but luckily, i was able to have a half-hour conversation with him through the little arabic i had picked up. after our conversation, he asked me to walk him home. arm in arm, we walked home and i talked with him about the 5 pillars of islam. he kissed me on both cheeks twice and invited me to head to the mosque with him the next day. the next day, i met him at the mosque and this sweet, sweet elderly gentleman was ecstatic. we went to the service, prayed together and afterward, i overheard mentioning to a friend that i was an american and that i was muslim. he invited me back to his house, we had tea and i let him know that i was a christian, not muslim. i didn't really know the word for christian so it was a hoot trying to communicate what that meant to him. after that, he spent 3 hours trying to convince me to become a muslim. he explained that christians believe in 3 gods and muslims believe in 1. after a long discussion with plenty of hyperbolic hand gestures, i returned home. i never saw the man again but i saw a deep commitment to his religion and that his conversation with me was based out of a love for me. it shifted how i thought about evangelism and stressed the importance of action over words.

thats a great story......shifting topics, what bands are you currently listening to?
my current bands are breathe owl breathe, arcade fire, the dodos, bon iver and phoenix.

those are all pretty folksy bands. what draws you to that type of music?
its good.

your so ambiguous, tom. thanks for chatting.
your the best interviewer i've ever had. and the best lover.

a different gray

2009-08-05T18:44:00.000-07:00

lets talk about some things.

first, jaydiohead be the freshest.

second, had a small roadie with my friend, who blogs over at guardian of the abyss. topics discussed included politics, shared anecdotes, and the unending abstract discussion on what it means to live in the valley we do, both literally and theologically, a place that can be unwelcoming and comfortable simultaneously. read unwelcoming=we both think differently on matters of faith, politics, community, belief, doubt than the infrastructures and subsequently the people we grew up with. the tension can be nagging; like an unwelcome thorn that gets stuck in your organic pair of Toms. it was refreshing to have an honest, open chat about the liminal space we both find ourselves in. read comfortable: places, rhythms, activities that give a sense of nostalgia, things and relationships that we don't want to let go of. those bits nearly make it worthwhile to live in this valley. nearly.

third, been rethinking, deconstructing, hashing out, ruminating on the vast proverbial horizon in front of me. to be completely honest and open, there seems to be little in the way of positive growth that can happen in this place at this time. i have applied to 35 jobs since moving back to fresno nearly a month ago and have had exactly 1 interview. 1. the situation lends itself to busting down the conventional methods and routines of plugging away at a monotonous occupation, living at home, eating parents' food and regurgitating the same awkward, slightly dishonest conversations with people who are pseudo-familiar. the rejection in the hometown has caused my sight to be shifted outwards, to places that are enchanting, romantic, adventurous, places on the margins, unconventional, ambiguous. this gives me hope; this is beautiful.

you can try to swim the sea but say goodbye to you and me.-avett brothers.x

commitments and commandments

2009-07-01T00:58:00.000-07:00

today, i decided that i would listen to only pre-1970s music for the next week. i must ween (wean? weed?) myself off of modern music and dive into the past. thus i am committing to only listen to johnny cash, bob dylan, the beatles, rolling stones. i'll take it.

also, read haggai tonight. cheers. +

j.x

so heres the thing.....

2009-06-30T13:12:00.000-07:00

apologies for my long absence from this space.

2 thoughts/topics

1. i just finished reading blue like jazz by don miller. right, i got to the party about 3-4 years too late but better late than later, i always say. its a solid read and to be honest, other people have probably done a far better job i could do at dissecting, analyzing, extracting the important bits. i particularly was struck by the chapter on money, the chapter on love and the chapter on jesus. they each kind of hung out together, met for a dinner party in my head with don at the front of the table, me sitting next to him, and love, jesus, and money sitting around the table as well. there is a certain sense that you get whilst you are experiencing something that is divine, that the Holy Spirit is speaking, showing up, starting to bond together the ideas of whats being communicated with the reality of your life. and that place, regardless of whether or not your conscious of it, is a brilliant place to be. a place of freedom, hope and forgiveness. don says at the end of the book that he enjoys jazz because it originated with the first generation to come out of slavery. it was a response to the freedom and liberation that came with being rid of oppression. and i really like that analogy. i'd like to have a song of freedom on my tongue because of the liberating, transforming, redemptive work of jesus. and maybe even do a little dance on that path.

2. been thinking quite a bit about the what i can do to enact transformative reality in my own life. it really all started when started reading rollins. whilst i realize that it starts and ends with jesus, there are definitely things i can do to put myself in a position to see changes and to grow in solidarity with others. and, to be honest, one of the greatest ways is how i spend my money. over the past 6 months since returning from england, i've realized there is an addiction, both on my part and the part of others my age, to a lifestyle that is literally unsustainable. we are addicted to a lifestyle that is fiscally irresponsible, intent on borrowing now and putting off payment to later, keeping up appearances, using possessions and experiences to fulfill the need for meaning in our lives. the byproduct of this is a world where the gap in wealth distribution is shockingly polarized. this isnt anything new. and to be honest, i've dealt with the guilt, shame, uneasiness of the situation and found myself as guilty as the next person. i mix love and money to create a weird, psuedo-aware, global perspective that keeps me in a place of moral superiority without giving up any of the comfort i am addicted to. because i understand and am aware of whats going on in afghanistan, rwanda, zimbabwe, i can claim to be globally sensitive to the needs of others. i can go off on how its ludicrous that the west, and in particular america, has decided that we are the most important people in the world, that we deserve all of the luxury and comfort that we can afford/receive. in principle, i am opposed to the inequality and injustice of the situation. and yet, i still engage in those comforts. i still am addicted to the little things, the perks that come with being american. and so, what to do? i'm not sure. and maybe thats ok. there has to be some stepping stone on this path, some bridge to a place that is pure and that honors other people before ourselves economically. in the meantime, i'll wander around the desert trying to find that bridge.

....no words....

2009-05-10T19:09:00.001-07:00

i need some time to process. more thoughts coming on the experience i had with these fellows last night. until i can organize, watch this.

cheers.

photografaph geotagging

2009-05-07T18:14:00.000-07:00

check it.

the response

2009-05-05T17:02:00.001-07:00

Puke on When You Were Young.mp3

as promised.

far and away...

2009-04-30T23:15:00.000-07:00

i know its a long ways down the road but i hope my kid looks like this at some point.....

the meeting of the minds

2009-04-23T14:03:00.000-07:00

The Colbert Report

Mon - Thurs 11:30pm / 10:30c

Ira Glass

colbertnation.com

Colbert Report Full Episodes

Political Humor

Gay Marriage Commercial

this meeting is my personal g2.

a transcontinental philosophical pipeline

2009-04-19T19:28:00.000-07:00

today, i finished a book. while this might not be an amazing accomplishment for the majority of society, its quite the feat for me. i have the extremely poor habit of starting books, getting either a quarter or halfway through and dropping it. for whatever reason, i have an extremely difficult time being captured by a book and following through with it. that isn't to say that I don't enjoy reading; i love it. It's just that maybe my attention span is too short to focus.

sidenote: i also greatly enjoy theology/philosophy books. a lot of the undergrad work i did at fresno pacific was exploring philosophy of history, theological traditions, historical eras where new ideas and thought processes were being formed about the world. i really like how thinkers can have a prevailing influence on the social consciousness.

with that said, i just finished a book by pete rollins called how (not) to speak of god: marks of the emerging church. pete runs a community in belfast, northern ireland called ikon and is a distinct voice in theology circles at the minute. he studied at queen's university, belfast and has a BA in Scholastic Philosophy, an MA in Political Theory and Social Criticism and a PhD dealing with Post-Structural theory. needles to say (yes, needles), the guy has some pretty forward-thinking ideas about the nature and structure of the church. his community is described as 'iconic, apocalyptic, heretical, emerging and failing', surely an interesting way to describe a 'church' in a religious landscape still clinging to post-enlightenment, rationalistic tendencies in defending itself against the heathens of science, homosexuality, atheism and secularism.

in all honesty, reading the book was an extremely deep and refreshing activity; i came away multiple times thinking about things that had never crossed my mind. the first half of the book is devoted to exploring some of the philosophical and theological undercurrents of the 'emerging' church, which essentially seeks to embrace both sides of the binary world we live in (atheistic/theistic, unorthodox/orthodox, revelation/concealment, etc.), in order to help us think thoughtfully about how we connect with God in a way that does not impinge on others. the other half is a collection of descriptions of some of the services ikon runs. throughout the book, there is an underlying humility and grace in how rollins articulates some of the more heady, difficult concepts within ikon's theology. i found the holistic nature of the book compelling and i think the book could and should speak to some of the quandaries the mainstream church finds itself in. so heres to ikon! cheers.

my new love

2009-04-17T13:23:00.000-07:00

i think i'm in love.

no words part 2

2009-04-06T09:44:00.000-07:00

wow. 'and he passes it to the man....and boom goes the dynamite.'

hello new week

2009-04-06T09:24:00.000-07:00

hello. its a brilliant morning. sunshines here to stay. coffee in the morning and checking up on the days news is becoming commonplace. really good. no, real real good. couple of things thinking about this morning:

1. finishing my response to this

2. head down to urban to follow up on my application

3. real excited about timee giving me this. i'll have some thoughts posted later on where rollins is headed.

4. maybe a bike ride and some basketball? or a coffee shop run? the possibilities are endless.

what are you doing with your day?

j.x

this is an ode to rivers cuomo/buddy holly

2009-03-31T11:34:00.000-07:00

years ago, when i was a puberty-stricken (yes, its a disease) lad, i tried to find how i could be different than those around me. attempts at originality are, as i have found later in life, a core principle to my character. there is a deep, penetrating desire, nay need, for me to have some sort of kitschy attribute, quirky perspective, outlandish haircut, or unknown band/music in my ears. its how i end up functioning best.

one of the most enduring things in this process has been an obsession with horn-rimmed glasses. at one point or another since the age of 12, i have owned and/or worn a pair of said spectacles. and i really dont know why. the kicker is most of the time my glasses have not had lenses in them. i have received enough ribbing, guff and verbal chastisement from friends over the years for this. that has not deterred my quest however for geek glory. so i guess i have been a distinguished proponent of horn-rimmed frames. despite the negative feedback received, i do know that there are several positive things when wearing them, either in private or public....

-heightened appearance of intelligence
-better photo taking
-ease into flirting with girls eg. 'oMg, do you have lenses in your glasses?!? no?!? those are so cool! can i trizzai them ON!?!?'

in sharing this, i'd also like to pay tribute and intellectual forbearance to the man who inspired and has worn them well...

rivers cuomo-stylish, trendy, even when it wasn't cool. rivers is the father of the postmodern horn-rimmed glasses wearer. he also writes some kick-ass tunes.

also, i liked this.

unknown man who wears stuff well

namaste. x

2/1 day

2009-03-30T17:29:00.000-07:00

2 in 1 day. crazy, i know.

when i lived in england, i missed reading the paper everyday. there was no fresno bee delivered to my door every morning or free copies on a newspaper stand around the neighborhood. when i bought a paper, it was a treat. funny thing is i think that the uk houses one of the best newspapers in the world, the guardian. their website has become one of my daily necessities on the internets.

really liked this from their US political correspondent Michael Tomasky today.

did they really just do that?

2009-03-30T12:47:00.000-07:00

so, one of my favorite songs of all time is bright eyes' 'four winds'. listen here. it has a lot of metaphor and hyperbolic, over-the-top language but some pretty serious points to make about a number of things i am concerned with: religion, academia, the margins of society, etc. it also has nostalgic value, as it was clearly and distinctly the theme song for the 'you, me and derrek lee' roadtrip of summer '07. there are images of rolling green hills, forests, wal-marts, huge crosses on the side of the freeway over texas when the song emerges on the iPod. digression.

i enjoy the killers. they have a niche in my library, fun but not to be taken too seriously. they're kind of like that friend that you have who is cool to hang out with every once in a while, you might spend a day talking, going to the park, shopping, whatever but once the day is done, your ready to not see them again for a couple of months. i thought sam's town was good, even though critics practically took a crap on it for trying to sound too much like the boss. it had its' place. and here's where we coalesce....

i just found out that the killers have covered 'four winds'. i gave it an honest listen. i hate it. it might be enough to turn me off to the killers as a band. they have bastardized a song i love. it sounds the same as any other killers song with synth pads, a pulsing beat, and some mediocre delivery by brandon flowers. my occasional friend just invaded the friendship circle i hold closest and screwed everything up. thanks for your ambition, killers.

here's the track.

looking backwards and looking upwards

2009-03-05T00:58:00.000-08:00

i have moved to pasadena. its great. the living is easy, the people are full of life, the energy and rhythm of cars, buses, movement fits.

within all of this, i have decided to go back to school. i am going to pursue the passion i found in college: photography. currently, i am checking out graduate level photography programs. most are located in california, some on the east coast and some in the UK. its a foray into a great unknown. is my photography good enough? is the content and meaning behind the photos worthy of sharing with the world? at what point do i view my camera as an instrument of change, hope, life? in a image-laden world, what can be expressed visually, specifically in a still shot, is the new framework for constructing a worldview. i am excited about this.

with the talk of school swirling in my brain, i have thought about how formative my time at fresno pacific was. though they will probably never read this, i wanted to look back at specific professors who taught me specific things, who aided in shaping, forming, editing, supplementing ideas that have been bound into my core.

richard wiebe: the overarching idea of how people construct meaning in their lives
paul toews: quietly going about the pursuit of one's passion
richard rawls: being the bridge for students to connect with ideas that they thought beyond them, helping me to realize that being original didn't matter so much, that it was good enough to imitate those before me whose ideas shifted paradigms
kevin enns-rempel: attention and focus on making sure the details of an idea were clear
ken martens-friesen: a willingness and yearning to explore the unknown, to view other cultures in a completely positive context
audrey hindes: being smart and articulate is a good thing

i am sure the folks i meet at the next stop on the journey will be just as influential and important.

the way forward

2009-02-02T14:54:00.001-08:00

...no words...

peace out UK

2009-01-11T06:34:00.001-08:00

so today is my last day in the UK. theres a bittersweet fog thats starting to settle. not much is clear in my heart or my head. i do know these things...

-i cannot wait to be reunited with the fellowship and all of my friends. its been too long.
-i am very sad to leave the friends i have here in the UK. there has been more of an opening in the last months of deeper ties, spiritual, emotional connections that are making it much more difficult.
-i have gotten a full experience of the UK. i have been to wales, manchester, norwich, cambridge, bristol, london, brighton, oxford, rugby, nottingham. i have slept in hostels, tents, hotel rooms, on couches, pull-out beds, and church floors. i have seen the english countryside, the west end, the suburbs, the seaside, underground graffiti alleys. but the most important is people. i have made friends from australia, south africa, england, scotland, ireland, wales, brazil, new zealand, thailand. my family has been opened into a global framework.

now, that i am reflecting its getting a bit overwhelming. i need a break.

favorite, comfortable places

2008-12-11T03:50:00.001-08:00

seeing that i have an office 'job', i tend to peruse the internet quite frequently. while this has all sorts of ramifications for one's social status through networking sites and/or consequences on one's financial portfolio, either through buying, selling, or investing, my life is mainly enriched through the cultural portal the internet offers, particularly in regards to music. even more specifically, there are blogs, websites, collectives that i believe to be at the high tide of the proverbial musical ocean out there. i'd like to share those with you....

1. daytrotter.com
simple concept, exceedingly large influence. set up in rock island, illinois, along interstate 80, bands stop in to record a few songs on borrowed instruments in the daytrotter studios, do some interviews, grab some grub and continue on their journey. loads of bands including death cab for cutie, cold war kids, david bazan, my brightest diamond, annuals and delta spirit have stopped in. the word has kind of gotten out and daytrotter usually books bands coming through 5 days a week in the studio. brilliant.

free mp3s of the sessions available at the website.

2. stereogum and videogum
a tandem site that deals in all things cultural. the scathing review of juno is only the tip of the iceberg.....and by iceberg, i mean the cynical, pseudo-intelligent, pop-culture-reference-laden heap of material that these two put out. still, i revel in it. its almost a guilty pleasure in not committing to being a F.I.H. yet still reading this religiously. solid selection of mp3s and really enjoy the reviews.

3. gorilla vs. bear
a blog leaning more towards the more marginalized and up-and-coming bands in indie circles. i reckon the writers pride themselves on the obscurity of their finds and have alot of self-admiration for their home city. fair enough. they also like the remixes stream again, quite a bit and have a good variety of mp3s, videos and news to keep it interesting.

4. rolling stone
i list it last mainly because its the guilty pleasure of the group. i don't like its mainstream-ness. i don't like its literary posturing. i don't like its fawning over an indie band that has any 'underground cred'. still, i find myself looking at its' review sheet and frantically heading to a torrent site to download the big albums. i am allowed at least one, aren't I?

i hope this sharing will enrich your daily reading and give you fodder for the water cooler, park bench or dinner table. love.

growing old together

2008-12-01T08:37:00.001-08:00

i am reverting to 2005-2006. yes please.

becoming friends with the awkward

2008-11-26T08:14:00.000-08:00

i have a friend. shes great. shes one of those types of people who listen, i mean, really listen. she takes on the problems of other folks and is a support and encouragement. its brilliant.

funny thing is we have been talking lately about the idea of how we accept grace. it seems like in most instances, we can extend grace to others but its hard to accept it for ourselves. its become something where its fine to extend an ear and acceptance to other folks but its harder to realize it for oneself. the obstacles to accepting it is the vulnerability and awkwardness that comes in being honest and open about yourself. how things you make you feel that you don't want other folks to know about.

i think part of maturing is becoming friends with the awkward and facing things head on. insecurity comes in hiding but ultimately knowing that grace is secure allows people to become friends with the awkward and cozy up to the vulnerable.

if this is a bunch of abstract drivel, i apologize.

buckets of grace

2008-11-22T07:49:00.001-08:00

you know when people do some painting and they have paint all over them, different colors melding into this cool design thats splattered all over? or when people do the whole paint-fight bit where they dress up in white-canvas onesy painting gear and throw all kinds of colors over each other?

i think grace might be a bit like that.

poetry is in the streets

2008-11-17T15:37:00.000-08:00

i believe this is true.

alternative vision take 1

2008-11-13T14:27:00.000-08:00

from kerouac's dharma bums.....

'yessir, that's what, a series of monasteries for fellows to go and monastate and meditate in, we can have groups of shacks up in the Sierras or the High Cascades or even Ray says down in Mexico and have big wild gangs of pure holy men getting together to drink and talk and pray, think of the waves of salvation can flow out of nights like that, and finally have women, too, wives, small huts with religious families, like the old days of the Puritans. Who's to say the cops of America and the Republicans and Democrats are gonna tell everybody what to do?'

Resonates and resounds within my soul.

familiarity breeds positivity

2008-11-13T04:02:00.000-08:00

in sum, i have returned mentally to the comfortable places.

you know when you are shuffling through your itunes, you see something you haven't listened to in ages, you press play and turn up the volume? thats what listening to them has been like. specifically, the first ep. it brings me back to california, to places like the canal and the focus and fox run flat. places that were comfortable and free and unique and true. kind of like the kingdom of God.

i can't wait to return to the comfortable places with these folks.

loads of random

2008-11-07T07:55:00.000-08:00

what the flip?

the greatest

2008-11-05T15:32:00.001-08:00

this has to be the greatest election coverage interview given last night. period. i laughed for at least 20 minutes.

happy halloween.

2008-11-04T07:59:00.000-08:00

from the wwf tag team champions.

cheers drewski

2008-11-02T06:05:00.000-08:00

i like politics. and i love jesus. and with whats going on in california at the moment, i think this kind of thinking is necessary.

exciting stuff

2008-10-29T13:45:00.000-07:00

i tend not to try and treat this as a diary, maybe more as a reflection-driven journal. however, i believe the next few days should be pretty exciting.

1. booked my tickets for this.

2. headed to london tomorrow to see my great friends from htb and other nooks and crannies of the capital. halloween party, afterskool club, church, shisha, tea orient. its going to be glorious.

3. presidential election next tuesday. come on i said!

4. good art is coming out of my soul. good thought is coming out of my mind. good, good lovin' (the bob marley kind) is coming out of my heart.

thank you and good night.

question

2008-10-27T12:54:00.000-07:00

when politicians talk about getting America 'back on track' economically, does that mean an economic hegemony on the rest of the world that holds materialism and consumerism as the nuts and bolts of a destructive machine?

what in the world?

2008-10-26T11:10:00.000-07:00

...taken from a letter written by Focus on the Family from the perspective of an American Christian in 2012 after the theoretical first term of Obama...

'Christians didn’t take time to find out who Barack Obama was when they voted for him.
Why did they risk our nation’s future on him? It was a mistake that changed the course of
history.'

The same could be said of Mr. Bush.

jesus for prez? the attack ad!

2008-10-20T12:13:00.000-07:00

saw this out of the revolution in jesusland blog. pretty funny.

-
---
j.wiebe

mulling over the possibilities

2008-10-20T09:41:00.000-07:00

'do you think we should change the way we live?'

i asked the question as i sat in the back seat of a car headed for a small village in Surrey, south of London. two of my good friends in the UK were silent for a second and then proceeded to explore, articulate and share their experiences in the issue raised. i am not sure we completely covered everything but its gotten me thinking.

what really is the way i should live?
what are the guiding concepts that have influenced me?
where is the intersection of faith and life in it?
how can i be faithful to jesus with the way i live?
essentially, what are the most important indications in my life that god has been a healing god, a transformative god, a grace-filled god, a god whose love is complete, holistic and transcendent?

after mulling over the possibilities, i came to a few conclusions. i need people. i need jesus. i need freedom. i need grace (more than i thought). i need to prophetically enact a vision of life that is consistent and coherent with the over-arching message of redemption and restoration that god has brought humanity on. as i told a friend today, i dream of 'little redemptive acts in making the crooked paths straight.'

another friend asked me yesterday what i envisioned church to be. before i envision what it could be, i'd like to explain what i think it isn't (or should be). i don't think church is a political party. i don't think church is social club. i don't think church is a self-help group (although sometimes that type of counseling is necessary). rather, i see church as a holistic community centered on the redeeming act of God in history through the man-spirit-god Jesus, an organic interweb of relationship, intellectual stimulation, fresh creative expression and genuine caring for one another. in this context, i see the church playing out differently in allowing freedom and relationship to trump rules, regulations, community manipulation and coercion, issues that have come up in the past and continue to plague it.

essentially, what i have come to a conclusion on is the idea that this revolving door of the way i live, how church is done, the kingdom of God hinges on the choice of selfishness versus selfishness. As I choose selfishly, the door shuts, locks itself and others aren't allowed in, both into my life or the kingdom of God. If I increasingly choose selflessly, the door swings wide, I am free and others join me on the redemptive path. And what a beautiful path that is.

-
---
j.wiebe

the remixxxxxx

2008-10-15T06:57:00.001-07:00

remix of tsb portulation, the folk version

-
---
j.wiebe

mmm yes

2008-10-15T06:34:00.000-07:00

the chorus is accurately describing how i am feeling at the moment.

-
---
j.wiebe

end of the continental divide

2008-10-14T05:17:00.000-07:00

j. kerouac
'on the road'

Dean's California-wild, sweaty, important, the land of lonely and exiled and eccentric lovers come to forgather like birds, and the land where everybody somehow looked like broken-down, handsome, decadent movie actors...

who knew i would find my home halfway across the world?

-
---
j.wiebe

round 2

2008-10-09T15:29:00.001-07:00

the next episode in hear:each other

-
---
j.wiebe

brilliance

2008-10-02T11:12:00.001-07:00

these boys are genius. music for the 22nd century.

-
---
j.wiebe

morning productivity

2008-10-01T04:22:00.000-07:00

bit of fun i came up with this morning. let me know what you think.

-
---
j.wiebe

lovely grayish afternoon

2008-09-30T07:34:00.001-07:00

here is a melancholy afternoon, editing photos in the office to bon iver. pure bliss.
ideas are coming forth on photo projects.

-
---
j.wiebe

dissonance

2008-09-29T18:31:00.000-07:00

tonight, i am up late. thats not really anything new. i tend to be more on the insomniac side of things. however, something in particular has been stirring in my brain, something thats been brewing for awhile now and is trying to birth itself into a concrete, abstract concept. (unlikely i know)

the melody of dissonance is playing its tune over and over again in my brain. i just looked at, checked up on, read about the lives of folks that i once shared nearly everything in common with. we went to the same classes together, watched films, spent time talking, discussing, debating over dinners. these are people that i invested time in and they in me. they were great times that we had together. in many ways, we shared such a common experience, not just the times highlighted but a background that was similar, growing up in small towns, having close-knit communities that we were allowed to explore and grow and adventure in. and now i look at the paths that we have chosen. and they are completely different, diametrically opposed even. the dissonance rings like a raging coldplay chorus in my brain.

its not necessarily a bad thing though. its not bad or worse or better or equal. these terms are insufficient. its just different. whilst the growing pains of striking out on my own have not been easy, i wonder what it would have been like had i stayed and chosen the same path. i imagine an awkward, restless, unsatisfied version of myself. the road i chose has been lonely at times, difficult and beautiful at the same time. its been the necessary and right choice though.

the problem is the way forward. where do i look to next? where is the next plateau, the next horizon that presents itself? the beautiful thing about dissonance is that clarity can emerge in its midst.

'so i'm saving up my money,
gonna fly back to london town,
don't think that i should,
but i can't help myself right now

well, my girl in california doesn't deserve to be let down,
but if i make it back to london,
i will never make it out'
-j. ryan, 'london'

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j.wiebe

a photographic update

2008-09-29T14:52:00.000-07:00

some of the things i have seen lately. there is this intersection i want to explore.

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j.wiebe

a month and then some

2008-08-23T06:21:00.000-07:00

hello to you. and you. I thought it an interesting choice.

I have been across the pond, back to California and back again to the UK. I missed the place quite a bit. Spent some time at Soul Survivor, a massive youth festival in Somerset. 10,000 kids?? Good people? Yes please. Shared a tent with my main man. It was beautiful. Now I am hanging out at Fort Crowne in Rugby, waiting to head to Birmingham.

In other news, I raised the majority of money I needed to stay in the UK. I sensed God saying that I was to come back, even though at the time of the flight, I had very little financial stability to return. He takes care of things if you trust Him. This I know.

I want to go see some shows. Conor Oberst is playing in Birmingham tonight. Probably going to miss it tho. Pendulum and LCD Soundsystem tomorrow night. The British Isle does not suffer for lack of shows.

List of things I'd like to do

1. Road trip to Ireland
2. Spend some time in Taunton with Georgina's family
3. Chill with my man T. Rob
4. Rock around London with HTB folks
5. Take some good photos
6. Watch Arsenal take control of the Premiership
7. Read a bit

Don't know where this is going. I know where I'd like to go though.

To those back home, thank you for a lovely time. I love you very much. Every single one.

With that, Romans 8:28-29.

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j.wiebe

my oh my

2008-07-21T08:57:00.000-07:00

been reading jesus for president. needles to say (see what i did there, timee?), its been completely influential and important. i got teary-eyed over this passage last night.....its a poem shane wrote after an experience with a major American media outlet whilst in Iraq....

Traitor?

If this bloody, counterfeit liberation is American...
I am proud to be un-American.

If depleted uranium is American...
I am proud to be un-American.

If US sanctions are American...
I am proud to be un-American.

If the imposed 'peace' of Pax Americana is American...
I am proud to be un-American.

But if grace, humility, and nonviolence are American...
I am proud to be American.

If sharing to create a safe, sustainable world is American...
I am proud to be American.

If loving our enemies is American...
I am proud to be American.

Regardless, I would die for the people of New York, but I will not kill for them...
my kingdom is not of this world.

I would die for the people of Baghdad, but I will not kill for them...
my kingdom is not of this world.

I will not stand in the way of terror and war...
my kingdom is not of this world.

I will pledge an allegiance deeper than nationalism, to my God and to my family...
my kingdom is not of this world.

I will use my life to shout, 'Another world is possible'...
for my kingdom is from another place.

'My kingdom is not of this world. If it were, my servants would fight...but now my kingdom is from another place.'
(Jesus; John 18:36)

letting you in

2008-07-16T14:10:00.002-07:00

just letting people know whats going on here in the uk.

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j.wiebe

hope, peace and justice

2008-07-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

this gives me hope for the future.

its an alternative vision of the world.

one that operates from the perspective of....
-valuing every single person in the world greatly
-valuing the holy spirits transformative work
-valuing the importance and depth of authentic community
-caring for the marginalized, oppressed, poor and broken (and not just the proverbial kinds)
-being good stewards of what god has given us in the west
-the belief that this world can be bettered through gods kingdom
-ultimately hope

in no circumstance or situation is there no hope. always. consistently. beautifully. hope.

.....makes me get all jittery inside.....

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j.wiebe

of no consequence

2008-07-07T16:43:00.000-07:00

this is really of no consequence.

its more of an exploration into what i've been doing, what i'm looking forward to, what i've been partaking in, etc. where to begin? how about a week ago today?

i went to wimbledon. yes, the wimbledon.
i trekked up on the 131 and found myself in the midst of pimms, strawberries and cream, loads of tan people and grunting. side note: sometimes, i find myself not being very.....smart. i brought my camera along to documentate the festivities, then realized while i was riding on the bus that i had forgot my memory card. doh!...regardless, i spent about 5 hours wandering around the famed all england tennis club, watching the world's top junior players, mixed doubles, senior men's (if you want a laugh, head there) and watching the bryan brothers win their quarterfinal match in the men's doubles along henman hill. it was an experience. loved it.

i spent some time with my south african friend dave dally this weekend. he's a great guy. we ended up finding an abandoned bike, convinced the bus driver to let us on with it and he managed to take it home. the sprocket wasn't aligned and so there was no way to move it by pedaling. we had a good time taking aim at the drunk people all over kingston town centre. what a saturday night.

about 2 weeks ago, i got a bus pass. that means free travel on buses anywhere in london. not a bad gig. i've spent most of my time reading this. i am a good 125 pages in. i am not sure what i think just yet.

lastly, two bands have been keeping me solid. first, the cool kids are killing it with their offering the bake sale. sparse '80s beats with solid flow. it doesn't get much better. second, bon iver is one of those finds you don't get often. if you listen to the track skinny love
-, you'll know what i mean. his music is important. i am reasonably sure of this.

i have also been thinking about the authority of love we have within the kingdom of God. its definitely been one of the major themes i have learned about while here. when thinking of authority, the words power, control, domination float around in my head. if maybe we started thinking of what we have in the holy spirit as the authority of love, we have something infinitely greater to speak to a world that needs healing. it might even resonate with the masses. its more an abstract concept at the moment and i am not satisfied with my thoughts on it. i need to articulate and clarify more. anyway, its late so i'm off to bed.

love.
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j.wiebe

...

2008-06-22T13:00:00.000-07:00

usually, i don't like to share tons of stuff from what i write in my journal. (what do you call them now? journal? diary? secret book?) anyway, i felt like i needed to share this....just to receive some thoughts back..

6.17.08
-Richmond Park, greens and blues in a windy apathy

....maybe if we started valuing people as worthy, important, and dare I say, holy beings, regardless of the status of behavior, words, interactions and perspective, would then we shift to a unified human race that is capable of taking care of each other? god bless the chavs, the disgusting, the toothless. god bless the gays, the immigrants, the weak and scared. god bless the upper middle class white families and the Arabic peninsula. god bless the communist Cubans and Russians and maybe even the empirical British. god bless the self-harmers, the drug addicts, the transients and junkies, the prostitutes, transvestites and hermaphrodites. god bless the deaf, blind, albinos and government officials. god bless the brown, yellow, black, red, white, Nordic, Italian, Native American, mulatto, mestizo, slave, free, priest, sinner, drunkard and goody two shoes.....

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j.wiebe

inspiration comes in waves

2008-06-17T03:52:00.000-07:00

you know when things suddenly start to change? when they pick up and you notice it and you have to move in with the flow of whats going on or else your going to be left wanting, stranded on the side of the road, talking to a former professional wrestler with a mullett who has a tattoo of a scorpion on his arm and a wife that wears flannel and can bench press 450 lbs? i am trying to run with that stream and get stuck with the pro wrestler. art is coming. and soon.

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j.wiebe

m. scott

2008-06-12T06:01:00.000-07:00

i didn't say it, i declared it...

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j.wiebe

riding to big sur

2008-06-01T15:48:00.000-07:00

today was a day of introspection. i woke up and realized i have less time here than i thought. i want it to be full of vitality, depth and hope. i just need to push myself to these things.

i sat on the train yesterday reading 'big sur' by jack kerouac. for those who don't know, kerouac is my all time favorite author. period. i find myself writing like him more and more. whilst i read kerouac, i listened to death cab's new album 'narrow stairs' which features a song by the name of 'bixby canyon bridge' about the exact area on the California coast kerouac spent his time writing 'big sur'. two of my favorite artists, past and present, fusing with my experience here. too good.

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j.wiebe

sad day

2008-05-22T09:31:00.000-07:00

i just got back from dropping anika off at heathrow. i am really sad to see her go. we did so much in the 10 days she has been here. there were a few tears as i walked away from her. i think its a combination of me seeing her grow up, how smart and funny and wise she is, how connecting with people she is and the fact that i am not there for a part of it. i mean, its great that i am here in the uk....and i know i need to be. i just miss my sister. and home.

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j.wiebe

2008-05-18T16:35:00.000-07:00

teach me how to love like you loved me.

in many ways, i am exhausted. in a very good way.

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j.wiebe

sweet jezebel!

2008-05-05T07:16:00.001-07:00

this is rock and roll.

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j.wiebe

monday monday

2008-04-28T02:35:00.001-07:00

working on some things this afternoon, football with the kiddies, then some older kids in the evening. should be a good time.

pray for my grandma. she's having some health issues. i think about her often.

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j.wiebe

today is a good day

2008-04-26T06:34:00.000-07:00

good afternoon, or for those in other times, good early morning.

i woke up at 12:45 this afternoon. it is beautiful outside. like a California spring day. i went outside to the backyard of my place in new malden and it reminded me of pasadena. one of my favorite places in the world. i have the afternoon to myself so i am thinking of exploring a bit and taking some photos. its a good way to express the joy i am feeling at having a place that i fit, both socially and in god's kingdom.

as most or all of you know by now, i moved jobs within youth for christ. i am now working on a project called oxygen in kingston, southwest london. its a great fit for me for a number of reasons. let me count thy ways....

1. overwhelming emphasis on relationships. its pretty cool that the process of understanding how important this was a couple of years ago has come to concrete terms in what i am doing now. and the even better part of it is that the kids i work with are the ones who need love most in their lives. even after only my first week, its apparent that they need to be told they are valued, that they matter. i can't get that idea out of my head. thats probably a good thing.

2. the people working with oxygen. i have found them to be very easy-going, if not, completely like me. listening to their thoughts on what oxygen does, how and why they do those things has been refreshing because its affirming in whats inside of me. in a more broad sense within my travels, i have this sense that there is a growing wave of people around my age that are thinking creatively, deeply and wisely about where the church is headed, less bent on criticism and more on taking the initiative to live in grace and mercy. thats an exciting stream in what god is doing.

3. a place to come home to. while its not the most clean of places, i finally have my own room, my own house, my own space. the van i was touring in didnt serve that need very well. now, i feel so much more stable, so much more planted. while i do love my traveling escapades, doing that constantly took its' toll, especially in a country that isn't my own. it also helps that i am living with a man named dave taylor, or mr. t as we like to call him, that pretty much lets us do whatever we want. reminds me a lot of the fox run.

4. the culture of this place. geographically, i live in an area called new malden. culturally and sociologically, it has the largest community of south koreans outside of south korea in the world. this means several things. 1. lots of good asian food joints 2. lots of good clothing options 3. lots of interesting people. also, basketball is the sport of choice among south koreans. i might go try to find a pickup game down the street.

5. oxygen typically doesnt start work before 2pm. oh lord, how you give me rest within my sleeping patterns. this is cause for praise and thanks to god.

anyway, its been a good week of exploring around the area and getting to know whats going on. i am excited that this store, this store, and this store are all in the area. i also found a pretty cool clothing shope called uni qlo. lots of japanese stuff and quite a bit of solids. like a japanese american apparel. and at pretty cheap prices. for britain.

i am trying to finish up kurt cobain's biography, though it has slowed down quite a bit. i think this afternoon should be a good time. on to marco polo and thoreau next. photos of the area coming later today. love and peace.

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j.wiebe

current indulgences take two

2008-04-16T06:03:00.001-07:00

apologies for laziness, sloth and sheer lack of neglect in the blogging world. i simply haven't mustered the gumption to sit myself down to write a quality post. interesting and ironic to me, especially since i have felt the need for an outlet for words.

i just got back from a massive conference called spring harvest. spanned out over 6 weeks, over 50,000 people attend spring harvest in two different locations on the english coasts (one west, one east). i was assigned to the 11-14s venue called Distinctive at Minehead Week Dos. Led by Mark Massey, the week was a good time of connecting with kids, praying for them, talking through issues in their lives. it was really good to see God do big things in some pretty serious situations. It's interesting to me how simple it is to ask that God take control of a situation and then to actually believe that what you ask is going to happen. That is a gap that has narrowed itself for me in the past months. The Holy Spirit is doing infinitely more things than we give him credit for. We simply need to keep communication lines open, both to and from Him.

Over-analyzation of myself is something that I am working on leaving behind. There is no need for me to extraneously dissect everything that I do. I think this idea might be linked with Acts 17:28 thru living, moving and being in Jesus.

In other news, I'd like to share what I am listening to, reading and intaking. First, I picked up a Kurt Cobain biography called Heavier than Heaven. Written by rock journalist Charles Cross, it covers the scope of Cobain's rise from anonymity in western Washington to his multiple English tours and excessive heroin addiction. The writing is sub-par, with foreshadowing ending most chapters that fails to be tied up later in the book. The length and depth to which Cobain used drugs to escape the pain that his childhood and parents' divorce caused him is enormous. The constant presence of suicide within his extended family obviously gave him access to a choice he should not have taken. It's really too bad. I like Nirvana.

In podcast news, I have been consistently listening to This American Life and Real Time with Bill Maher. These have been consistent choices in my listening diet for a while now. This American Life, if you haven't yet listened to it, is a phenomenal topical program aired by WBEZ in Chicago that covers various subjects unique to American life. The format is such that usually 2-4 different stories are told on the subject, all of them true. My favorites are Episode 102: Road Trip! and Episode 344: The Competition, one for purely enjoyment reasons and the other for the truth that's found in the stories. Check it on iTunes if you'd like. It's free. Real Time with Bill Maher is simply my liberal American politics fix each week. I'm young, I have a heart, therefore I tend to think liberally. I know it will probably change, even to the point of apathy towards politics later on in life but, at the moment, I love listening to Maher's perspective that often contradicts my own. I often come away understanding what I think better because of his ideas.

I have been itching for some new music so I picked up Rolling Stone and NME at WH Smith's this afternoon, along with a British GQ. I should give an update within the next couple days of what I think of their selections of musical acts.

Otherwise, life is good. The Angels are sitting atop the AL West standings with Oakland at 9-6, my fantasy baseball team is 2-0 and there is sunshine in England most days. Love to you and yours.

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j.wiebe

current indulgences

2008-04-03T09:35:00.000-07:00

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j.wiebe

thank god for the wittenburg door

2008-03-12T12:06:00.000-07:00

if you have any interest in faith and politics, i suggest the wittenburg door.
i find it quite amusing. i just found this little nugget of pure comic gold.

the context of this is who the blogger will vote for. he decides on the funniest candidate.....

'We need a president who can stare into the face of adversity with a wink and a bad joke. Like Davey Crockett, John McCain could probably win a grinning contest with a grizzly bear.'

genius.
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j.wiebe

on point

2008-03-04T08:45:00.001-08:00

on point
Originally uploaded by jordanweeb

one of the best photos i have taken yet in my life. i love the detail more than anything.

the beginning

2008-02-22T16:33:00.000-08:00

in all honesty, i hadn't really felt like i was supposed to be in england until tonight. the first month has been a constant re-evaluation of what i am here for, who i am, and why. thats a weird way to start. lets back up.....

the last months of my time in the united states were weird to say the least. i moved back home. i broke up with my girlfriend. i got fired from a job i loved. i worked at starbucks (which is enough to make any period of time awkward, ugly, and humbling). the expectation of england mainly consisted of a very connecting time spent with kids that desperately needed any sort of love. i had heard stories of what young people were like, how they caused trouble, how they were disrespectful, how they used drink, drugs and sex in a carefree way. maybe i didnt spend enough time in prayer coming in or really evaluating the commitment i was making. the bottom line is i know why i am here. i feel it in my soul. its to tell those youth that they matter, that they are valued, that they are loved by God.

they are important to him. and it was evident tonight.

currently, we, and, by we, i mean the hope team, are pairing up with the nomad crew. they are a group who travel the uk with a soccer cage, getting to know kids through sport. they set up at schools and playgrounds and the locals flock to it. as the english would say, our country is football crazy.

as part of their programme, they do a friday night event where the kids are invited to a competition of sorts. its really similar to any sort of camp game show/skit night/variety deal you have seen. during lunchtime, sarah, the leader of nomad, asked me if i would like to give the talk. to be completely honest, i have been reluctant to dive headfirst into my work here. maybe its the pain of the end of the last job that was quite similar or its that i am acclimating myself, i'm not sure. i said yes anyway and went to sit in a cafe to work on the talk a wee bit.

the problem was i couldn't focus. i started to get some things down on paper, mainly about introducing the idea of equality. that there is no behavior that makes God love us more or less and transitioning that into how we treat other people. i tried hard to think of examples. i racked my brain for anecdotes in my life. i even laid out an outline on the sheet of paper.

i ended up playing tetris on my iPod and listening to david crowder for 3 hours. it was the best preparation i could have had.

it was the best preparation because i listened to God. i really listened to Him. Instead of trying to put together something that would make sense to kids, i figured they get talked at enough so i should talk with them. so when it came to my turn, i sat down in a rocking chair and had everyone sit down around me. it was like story time with the american.

(side note: having an american accent is an automatic in with british kids. the fact that someone very different is there speaking to them goes a long way. i played off of this by doing a bit of a funny british/american accent game, where i would ask for words and would say them in both a british and american accents. they were in stitches.)

as i winded down, i knew the thing that i needed to say was that God loved them. That they were important to God. That they had value to God. as I went into this section, there were 2 older boys that were joking and giggling. it wasn't a large distraction but definitely a nuisance to the few people around them. i looked over to them and said, 'out of all the things that you have heard about yourself in the world, the most important thing is that you are loved by God.' they kept talking. i looked them in the eye and said, 'thats important, isn't it?' one boy smirked and said, 'yeah it is...' quite flippantly. And in that moment, the Holy Spirit shut my mouth. I kept looking at the boy and his eyes. I don't know his name. I couldn't say a word. The mood got extremely intense. It wasn't even about him disrupting me or being rude....it was that the Holy Spirit had cut to the root of his life and in that space of time, his whole life was wide open, at least to me. by interrupting me, he was doing the same thing that he did with his pain: hide it from others, joke about it, anything he could do to not confront it. i put the microphone back to my lips, looked straight at him and said, 'your important to God and He cares about you.'

i don't even remember what i said the rest of the talk. it was wrapped up in about 2 minutes. i think i prayed a bit about realizing that God loved us and letting that love into our lives. to be honest, it didn't matter. i was there to tell that boy he mattered. that he was important. that he was utterly loved.

i hope there are others like him. i know there are. i just need to listen more.
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j.wiebe

jimmy boy

2008-02-13T14:37:00.000-08:00

'Theologically, these 20-somethings are abandoning a worldview that reduces the gospel of Jesus Christ to an afterlife-oriented, fire-insurance, salvation pitch. These are Matthew 25, Luke 4, and “Sermon on the Mount” Christians. They really believe that the kingdom of God represents God’s best hopes and dreams for this present age, not only for the life to come.'-Jim Wallis

count me in.

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j.wiebe

2008-02-10T18:24:00.000-08:00

hallelujah!

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j.wiebe

british friends

2008-02-08T06:01:00.000-08:00

for the yfc website, we did a bit of a photo shoot this morning with george, pete, and i. these are the results.

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j.wiebe

telling me

2008-02-06T08:14:00.000-08:00

right now, words are harder for me. photos are easier for me to tell my story.

this was my afternoon yesterday. i took photos of churches in ashby-de-la-zouch.

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j.wiebe

st pauls 2

2008-02-01T08:00:00.001-08:00

st pauls 2
Originally uploaded by jordanweeb

this made me feel like my knowledge and intellect stumbles out of the gate when it comes to religion and history.

2008-01-29T10:38:00.000-08:00

i've never had no outlet like this.
soon, i will be inflicted with word vomit.

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j.wiebe

heres some for you.

2008-01-23T09:44:00.000-08:00

this is england so far.
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j.wiebe

by the numbers

2008-01-19T04:30:00.001-08:00

here is the uk by the numbers...

1. 10 hour plane ride on virgin....loved it
2. 14 hour sleep day....went to bed last night 5:30pm, woke up today at 7:30am
3. too many to count people i have met
4. 2 really good friends in george and pete, my hope teammates
5. 1 pub called the olde queens head where i can grab a nice cold guinness...its become the local watering hole. even though we were only there for 30 minutes. one time.
6. 1 trip to manchester for a house-warming party, where i will meet tons more people

....i am feeling solid about my time so far. a pictoral journey of halesowen, my home right now, and a weekend in manchester will be up soon. i love each one of you.

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j.wiebe

and so it is.....

2008-01-16T20:15:00.001-08:00

i am sitting in the lax international airport lounge about ready to board flight vs024 on virgin atlantic to london. after an unbelievable trek from pasadena to lax, we made it, i'm here, i'm ready to go. i have been extremely nervous and jittery. its my first time in a foreign place so i cut myself some slack. i got me a passion tea lemonade from starbucks to calm me down and i took an airborne. now, its only about entertaining myself for 10 hours......i do have sonic the hedgehog, the office season 3, gangland and this american life at my disposal as well as a myriad of movies. i love you all. the next time will be from across the atlantic.

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j.wiebe

gone baby gone

2008-01-15T15:51:00.001-08:00

i leave approximately 30 hours from now for london. much is still to be done while in the states. i am on the verge of something monumental.

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j.wiebe

at this point i don't know what to think

2008-01-14T01:18:00.001-08:00

things happen expeditiously.

after some prodding and poking, a vengeful telephone call with an outsourced visa worker and more contact with government employees than i have ever had in my life, my visa is coming tomorrow. i actually found it was my fault i had been waiting so long. a part of the visa application process to the uk is submitting your biometric data, which essentially means getting your photo taken and giving fingerprints. i went to the us citizenship and immigration services support center in fresno, the nearest to my residence. this was where my completed application email directed me, as well as (so i thought) my application, to go. so i submitted those 3 weeks ago and sent off my application to the same place the next day. you would think i would have more common sense in where i send something so sensitive, seeing that it has my passport and social security card with it. i was supposed to send it to the british consulate in LA but seeing that the only address listed on my form was the fresno support center i sent it there. it proceeded to sit in their offices for 2 weeks over the holidays and was finally forwarded to the consulate last wednesday. i received approval for my visa friday.

i feel somewhat sheepish and embarassed at this, especially since i missed out on yfc's staff conference this past week, where i would have been able to make friends and establish connections for the coming year. regardless, i will be on a plane headed to birmingham in the uk on the 15th of january at 4pm. its quite exciting.

in other news, i spent several days with really, really close friends. a couple days with the bergens in shafter. a day and a half with tim, nikki, rob and homeless mike in pasadena. i just got done hanging out with bryan and jesus. we hung out at the railroad tracks, came back and watched the office and had some french press. its these little things that are exciting to me now.

i'm really not sure what to think about all of this business. i feel like i am floating (not literally.....well, maybe literally) and that i will land wherever i am supposed to.

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j.wiebe

the man from jacksonville

2008-01-10T13:11:00.000-08:00

ryan adams is playing at starbucks. i think i am in love.

yes, yes i am.
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j.wiebe

rolling through a--->b life

2008-01-10T12:49:00.000-08:00

one of my favorite bands over the past 8-10 months is mewithoutYou. it took me a while to get into them but once it clicked, the game was over. in their lyrics, i find the prophetic and the mundane, mashed together like a song i couldn't sing. i have listened nearly exclusively to their latest release Brother, Sister and the album just before Catch for Us the Foxes. I have decided with my time spent in Starbucks today, I will listen to the entirety of their debut album A-->B Life. So far, I enjoy hearing the place from where the band came.

More on a thought in musical progression in a bit......

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j.wiebe

my media guide

2008-01-10T10:47:00.000-08:00

just woke up. its 10:48am. this is actually rather early for me. currently, i am stuck in the 4-5am through noon-1pm sleeping schedule. the world sometimes looks better at 3:30am. at least my neighborhood does.

current situation: my visa has not come in yet. bummer. i mailed it off about 3 weeks, the government says its supposed to take 2 weeks and here i find myself, still in reedley. there was a restlessness for a time, mainly around last weekend which is when i was supposed to be going, that has been replaced with an assurance that i will get there when i need to get there. all of this free time affirms my notion that i could never be a housewife. too distracted too easily. and i spend too much time in thought and not on action.

with my free time, my media intake has heightened considerably. i have been working my way through season 5 of seinfeld as well as select episodes of the office season 3. (thanks to tim.) i watched superbad last night with a few friends. needles to say, it was quite vulgar, over-the-top dialogue-wise, and imbalanced in character development. there are few times when i become uncomfortable with language. this was definitely one of those times. enough of that. i have also downloaded seasons of gangland and this american life from the itunes store in anticipation of a long plane ride to the uk. also, i am about 3/4 of the way through jesus and nonviolence: a third way by walter wink. i find his thesis and supporting arguments compelling, to say the least.

this is feeling like one of those 'several blogs in one day' days. more to come.
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j.wiebe

L.A. Skyline

2008-01-10T01:30:00.001-08:00

IMG_0070
Originally uploaded by jordanweeb

Near dusk in October.

ode to sunshine

2008-01-07T15:37:00.001-08:00

in the last month or so, i have been listening incessantly to delta spirit's debut full-length ode to sunshine. the key tracks include the razor-sharp 'trashcan', a wandering, guitar-driven 'people c'mon', and the nearly-U2 influenced 'children'. its worth at least a listen......or twelve.

jackie and dunlap's take

2008-01-06T22:40:00.000-08:00

...they were burning down the stadium during 'just as i am'......
hahahahahahahahaha.

reminiscing of good things

2008-01-06T19:48:00.001-08:00

chadsmoke
Originally uploaded by jordanweeb

best picture i have ever taken.

love comes to me

2008-01-06T18:35:00.000-08:00

love comes to me/
and that is all.
b (prince) billy.

i'm dealing mostly in expectations these days. expectations of preparation, expectations of friendship, expectations of continual communication, expectations of being somewhere that i didn't expect.

my friend likes to say that the kingdom of God/the Church should be continually speaking to culture in a way that is edifying and prophesying an alternate way of life. A way that is full of healing, hope and restoration.....something that I don't believe most of us, when left to our own self-motivation, have much care for. does it come down to a fundamental decision of selfishness/selflessness, meaning you either choose one or the other and consequently become your choice, or are there varying degrees of a processing towards that way? I lean towards the latter. Sort of a 'one or two steps forward, two steps back' sort of idea.

An intriguing idea is the concept of 'in the world but not of it'. At this point, I have mainly been told this means that Christians are not supposed to participate in activities that tradition/morality deems 'worldly'. "I don't smoke, I don't chew and I don't go with girls who do".....Its one way to understand the concept of separation from the world through behavior. I have begun to understand the phrase in another sense. Could that mean that Christians, because of their reception of compassion and grace from Christ, are 'not of this world' because of their love for others, regardless of specific actions, labels, qualifications? God has given us something called 'love' that I honestly believe has the ability to change how the world works, how people are treated by others, how we ultimately function. In understanding the phrase in this context, Christians' separation from the world would come more from the love, compassion and their character rather than the specific activities they do/do not participate in. It could be that there are elements of both that are true. I am dissatisfied with this explanation of my thoughts. I'll take a crack at it later.....

In other interesting news, Huckabee and Obama have established themselves as their parties' respective frontrunners. I will not hide my allegiances: I like Obama. I think he is pretty cool. From the things that I have read and watched, I recognize that he is attempting to bring a new type of politics to America, less intent on fundraising, mudslinging and toeing the party line but working toward practical and philosophical change to bring us to a place where American society is holistic (education, health care, economics, human rights, criminal justice, etc.) politically. Everyone should be cared for. Politics may be broken but I like what Barack is saying about what needs to change.

More than that however, I am encouraged the most by what both Obama and Huckabee said after their victories about getting past the polarization of American politics to a place of teamwork between Republicans and Democrats, a unity that hasn't been seen in the last decade or so. There is a good article about it here.

Oh and if you haven't checked out these guys for a laugh, you need to do so at once. Red State Update booya....

for those who want to know my situation in england, i am not there yet. i have not yet received my visa from the British government and am waiting until then. I have been packed for about a week now. There is lots of restlessness and anxiousness stirring in me that has been mostly subsided by the presence of loving friends, loving family and my own introspection. I think the thing that I am bummed about most is missing the Staff Conference in Wales, where everyone from YFC gathers to spend time together. It would have been great to be introduced to so many people and make connections. I can't wait to get there.

My current lists.....

Currently reading:
Jesus and Nonviolence by Walter Wink
Crime and Punishment by Fyodor Dostoyevsky
Ezekiel by Ezekiel
The Secret Society Handbook by Michael Bradley

Currently watching:
This American Life on HBO
Gangland on History Channel
Arrested Development Season 3

Currently listening:
Bright Eyes-Cassadaga
Bonnie Prince Billy-The Letting Go
The National-Boxer
M.I.A.-Kala
Ryan Adams and the Cardinals-Jacksonville City Nights

le emerald city

2007-12-27T18:05:00.000-08:00

i type this from a room in the holiday inn at fishermans wharf in san francisco. so far, we have been lost, seen a great deal of asians and are preparing for a night out. anika and i have our own room, in which we have set up our computers and are listening to britney spears from an asians' mac. we know they are asian because their library name is in japanese. or chinese. we can't tell the difference.

hmm

2007-12-23T23:26:00.000-08:00

the depth of true, authentic, caring community is impossible and incomprehensible to articulate.

interesting ambiguity

2007-12-19T16:08:00.000-08:00

first, good news! i am fully funded for my time in the UK. i cannot say how crazy the past 2 weeks have been. essentially, i have raised $11,000 in a matter of ten days. its extremely affirming, to say the least, and it gives me hope that God will be doing crazy things this next year.

second, i have had quite a few good conversations with my parents. we are starting to become friends rather than a parent/child relationship. i appreciate their wisdom and willingness to let me process and journey through a period in my life that is not easy. they give me hope.

third, i started a group on facebook called the california cardigan club. currently, i am the sole member. it saddens me to see that no one appreciates a good cardigan anymore. you don't have to be from california to be in the club. the name is simply to give some alliteration. everyone, including phillip seymour hoffman and lavar burton, should join.

fourth, i am debating on the types of gifts i shall give this year. the last thing i want to do is contribute to the consumer/materialistic mindset a holiday full of meaning has taken on. i am encouraged by groups like this. i have been trying to think on the practical level, something full of meaning and resourcefulness, something of real value. ok, i might break down and buy the whole family this. it brings us together.

lastly, i have been contemplating much about the ambiguous nature of language in church. as i sat through reedley mb's service on sunday, i tried to listen with a fresh set of ears and a clear mind, as if i was someone who had never been before. it got me thinking.....is the reason for our disconnect with the culture around us purely linguistic? there are so many words thrown around in church that i have never heard in a movie, newspaper article or song (unless purchased from Berean). just something to think about.....

and now off to visalia for fellowship with good friends.

here i go a-wandering...

2007-12-13T14:37:00.000-08:00

this is the story of my foray into a steel pipe as narrated by tim haydock.

setting my course to plan

2007-12-13T09:34:00.000-08:00

i have been in pasadena for exactly a week now. i thought it was going to be just a short jaunt into socal but it has turned out to be much more than that. here are highlights.....

1. laughing, discussing, and imagining a better world with my best friend.
2. watching david bazan hit the proverbial nail on the head with a phenomenal show at the glass house in pomona on tuesday night
3. being tripped out by 'i'm not there', the new bob dylan movie in which 6 different periods of mr. zimmerman's life are told through the perspective of isolating each period through a different character i.e. dylans infamous show and absurd media attention in the uk (period character played by cate blanchett, who was unreal) or dylan as he rode in on the crest of popularity out of the folk scene (played by an admirable christian bale).....it was confusing as hell yet beautiful, oh so beautiful.
4. 3 american apparel deep v's + the new m.i.a. album + new brown bobby d shades=solid finds and hipster heaven
5. spending time with rob and darcie young, good friends. they live in anaheim hills. yes, the oc (dont call it that).
6. walking up and down colorado boulevard, watching the rose parade stands go up. its almost time for new years.....which brings me to the biggest thing....

you all know i am headed for the uk in a little less than 3 weeks. a part of that is gaining the finances as well as submitting the visa application. currently i am working on all the documents for the visa but my financial situation has done very well. currently, i stand at $8500 which is very close to my need of $11,000. it feels great to have a sort of affirmation about the whole thing. i am hoping that the Holy Spirit would completely deconstruct the mental structures i have in what kids need and bring a fresh sense of willingness, humility, and ultimately a just mind to doing things that will help the healing process in their lives. i have been struck lately how much of the Gospel is based on the idea of restoration, making things right, putting things back together, the holistic process of bringing peace to people's lives, both internally and with each other. i'm on the path to getting over a lot of the argumentative issues of the Church and am ready for something beautiful and peaceful and true and just to happen in God's kingdom. Maybe that stuff is in the UK.......

and coming up later, my journey to save a baseball.